A Major Blunder
by Aenlu
Summary: "You should see Nick try and do the laundry. Now, that's a major blunder!" In which Phoenix does laundry, and it's a disaster.


A/N: This is a silly little thing inspired by a throwaway line in PL vs PW, where a character says they did something that was "a major blunder" Maya responds:

Maya: You think that's bad? You should see Nick try and do the laundry. Now, that's a major blunder!  
Phoenix: Okay, that was one time...

* * *

It began with something small, as these things often do. Maya was sitting on the floor at the office coffee table, reorganizing some case files (because Nick's organization system was impossible). Just as she was thinking that really, she deserved a proper desk, she heard a soft curse from the man seated at the only (for now) desk in the office. Nick had apparently noticed the sandwich she'd left for him an hour before, and in taking his first bite, had dripped mustard down the front of his shirt. Maya winced. She might have over done it with the mustard (but he liked mustard!). Nick had a look on his face that suggested that he wanted to criticize her over-zealous mustard application, but was thinking better of it because, well, she _had_ made a sandwich for him, after all. Maya raised an eyebrow at him to suggest that she knew what he was thinking, and he grimaced.

"I'll just… uh… go throw this in the wash," Nick said, getting to his feet and gesturing vaguely to the front of his shirt, and then striding into the kitchen, where she knew a small, old, and battered washing machine huddled in the corner. She sometimes used it as an extra cooking surface.

He returned a couple minutes later, buttoning up a spare shirt that he kept at the office for occasions such as this.

"Maybe you should hold off on that shirt until you finish your sandwich. Just in case." She waggled her eyebrows at him exaggeratedly.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "I think I'm prepared this time."

"Are you sure? It could be lulling you into a false sense of security, making you think the worst is over with when really" — she leaned forward intently — "it's The Mustardgeddon 2: The Splattening."

Nick crossed his arms and said dryly, "'The Mustardgeddon'? Really? Is that the best you could come up with?"

She huffed. "Mustard is a hard one to pun with! Okay, how 'bout this one?" She waved her hands in a wide arc, as though the title was materializing in front of her. "Condomonium -"

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there."

Maya paused, arms still outstretched, and frowned. "Huh? What'd I… _Oh_." Flustered, she flapped her hands and blushed. "I didn't mean like cond- I just - I meant like… pandemonium… and condiments…" she finished lamely.

Nick regarded her with that amused, 'Oh, Maya' look that always annoyed her, and she slumped in defeat. "Fiiiine, no more bad mustard puns."

"I _mustardgeddon_ with this paperwork, anyway," Nick sighed, as he settled heavily back into his desk chair and fiddled unenthusiastically with a pen.

Maya groaned at having her pun misappropriated in such a way (although, she had to admit that he had used it better than she had), and was about to turn back to her own work when an odd, unpleasant scent entered her nose. "Hey Nick," she said, "do you smell that?"

His brow furrowed, and he got to his feet again. "Yeah… let me just…" He entered the kitchen.

There was a beat of silence, followed by a shriek.

Maya was at his side in a flash, but it took her a moment to understand what she was seeing.

The washing machine was engulfed in flames.

"Nick!" Maya screeched. "What did you do?!"

"Ahhhh, I don't know!" Nick had grasped his hair and was looking around frantically. "We have to put it out!"

"How does this even happen?!" Maya grabbed him by the collar and shook. "How can something full of water be on fire?!"

Before he could respond, the fire alarm sounded and the sprinklers in the ceiling burst forth the sweet elixir of life: gross brown water.

"Ack!" Nick exclaimed and darted to his desk. "My paperwork! Maya, help me save it!" He frantically began gathering armfuls of loose papers and files.

"Nooo," she wailed. "I have to save my Limited Edition Steel Samurai Collection!"

"I'll buy you a new one, just help me!"

"It's Limited Edition, Nick! _Limited Edition!"_

* * *

"So, how did it happen, again?"

The firefighter dubiously eyed the odd pair over the top of his clipboard. They were standing outside their office building, dripping, miserable, and clutching their respective bundles. Maya had managed to save her Limited Edition Steel Samurai Collection, but Nick's armload of papers hadn't fared so well against the water, and were pretty much clumped up and destroyed from being clutched so tightly. Maya felt a little bad about not helping him out earlier, but it would have been a crime if her Limited Edition Steel Samurai Collection had been lost to a fire.

A crime.

Fortunately, the sprinklers had pretty much extinguished the flames by the time the firefighters arrived, so there had not been too much damage to the office. Well, not fire damage, at least. Only a couple of sprinklers had gone off, but she wasn't looking forward to cleaning up the gross water, and she suspected the office would never be quite the same after this.

In response to the firefighter's question, Nick shuffled uncomfortably and mumbled something incomprehensible.

"What was that?" the firefighter asked irritably, leaning in and tapping his pen on the clipboard in quick succession.

"He set the washing machine on fire," Maya said loudly.

"Maya!" Nick hissed, shooting her a scathing look, although its power was no match for the scathing looks he was receiving from the other building occupants, who were gathered nearby. Maya didn't know what their problem was, it's not like the sprinklers went off in _their_ offices, and now they got to enjoy a free break.

"It's not my fault," Nick was saying to the firefighter. "It just… happened."

"Poof!" Maya added for emphasis.

The firefighter fixed them with a steady look for a moment, pen hovering over the paperwork on his clipboard. "… I'm just going to say "electrical malfunction."

A little while later, they were seated on the curb, waiting to be allowed back into the building and slowly drying in the sun. Nick was attempting to separate the wet sheets of paper, and it wasn't going so well.

"You know Nick," Maya began with a small grin. "Until pretty recently, people in Kurain used washing boards to do their laundry. I bet there's still a few kicking around, I could bring one to the office. Might be a bit more technologically on your level."

Nick gave up on separating his papers with a sigh, and let the mushy, wet bundle fall to the ground with a soft _flump_. He fixed her with a weary smile and said, "You might be right, Maya. You might be right."


End file.
